Thursday, July 12, 2007

Haunting Fear (1992)

Good-looking Brinke Stevens stars as a young housewife who thinks her husband (Jay Richardson) and his busty secretary (Delia Sheppard) are trying to drive her crazy. More of a horror movie than anything else, with lots of nudity...a good opportunity to decide whether you like your scream queens full-bodied or flat. Another gem from b-movie master Fred Olen Ray, and only 80 minutes long.

2000 Maniacs (1965)

Bet you won't see this one on your local PBS station! Some young adults stumble upon a haunted town (full of people apparently killed in the Civil War) and proceed to get murdered in some creatively gruesome ways. Way ahead of its time in the blood-and-guts department, this actually the third part of Herschell Gordon Lewis' "gore trilogy" (after 1963's Blood Feast and 1964's Color Me Blood Red). Most of the special effects are good, even by today's standards, but the acting is really bad. This movie grossed me out in multiple ways.

Orgy of the Dead (1965)

A horror writer and his girlfriend go to a graveyard in the middle of the night for "inspiration". Seems he gets his best ideas in the middle of the night, in spooky graveyards. Or something. They get abducted by some unconvncing "monsters" and are forced to watch as the "King of the Dead" (famous crank psychic Criswell) judges the "creatures of the night". These "creatures", of course, are actually a bunch of topless go-go dancers doing their acts. Not much plot beyond that, but compelling nonetheless...and probably pretty hot stuff for 1965. Lots of the stupid dialogue, especially Criswell's opening and closing remarks ("Monsters to be pitied...monsters to be despised!") was copied word for word from the 1959 classic Night Of The Ghouls. Based on the "novel" by b-movie legend Ed Wood (which wasn't even published until after this movie was released). A genuine Ed Wood product, directed by his friend and frequent co-conspirator A.C. Stephen. Incredibly brain-dead, but hilariously bad and entertaining. One of my favorites.

Bikini Bistro (1995)

Stupid softcore flick about a Penthouse Pet (Amy Lynn Baxter) who just happens to run a vegetarian restaurant in New York City. The place is a failure until '70s porn queen Marilyn Chambers arrives to spice the place up by making the silicone-reinforced waitresses wear lingere and bikinis. Chambers has to be well into her 50s by now...but she still looks pretty decent here. She doesn't even TRY to act anymore, though...every movie she's made in the last decade or more (especially for the late Chuck Vincent), she's played herself. Weak straight-to-video and/or Cnemax junk made by Private Screenings.

School Spirit (1985)

Stupid supernatural college sex comedy about a teenager who dies but comes back from the dead to get 24 hours to score with girls. Pretty weak, but benefits from the presence of M.A.S.H. star Larry Linville and some well-assembled co-eds. Probably as a joke, the film's writers called the kid "Billy Batson" (the name of the kid in comics who says "Shazam" and becomes Captain Marvel). Of course you know the ending: he cheats death so he can star in the sequel that never gets made.

Body Waves (1992)

A clean-cut young wiseguy decides he doesn't want to take over his father's business (selling a product called Ano-Recto cream), so he and his gnarly surfer pal try selling suntan lotion. When that ploy fails, some computer nerds offer to pay them $3000 to learn how to score with babes. Of course, the nerds have a supercomputer called Clarissa (which looks like something assembled from visiting the set of Sanford and Son) that advises the only logical course of action...turn the nerds into overnight rap stars and help save the hero's mother's radio station from the clutches of a sleazy politician (Larry Linville from M.A.S.H.)!!! Lots and lots of plot in this one, kids...much of it apparently recycled from the 1984 classic Hardbodies. Some funny dialogue in some places, though.

Midnight Tease (1994)

Weak slasher/nudie flick, with an average of better than one naked breast per minute. Go ahead, time it. I'll wait. A really stacked stripper (Cassandra Leigh, aka Lisa Boyle) keeps having dreams about death and murder. And then she finds out her hot, stacked co-workers are being murdered, and she's a suspect. Turns out the real killer is...nah, you'll figure it out three minutes into the film. Short, about 75 minutes, but not painless. Nice looking babes, though. Bears more than a passing resemblance to the Stripped To Kill films, which were also made by low-budget master Roger Corman's Concorde/New Horizons Pictures.